


The Last Straw

by jhunieilarde



Category: The X-Files
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-26
Updated: 2020-07-26
Packaged: 2021-03-06 04:14:56
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,277
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25527289
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jhunieilarde/pseuds/jhunieilarde
Summary: After Scully gave William up for adoption, her life spiraled down. Will her friends and family be able to save her before she reached the end of her rope?(one shot fic for Scully...warning for suicide attempt...i know, it sucks but i just thought that after she gave up William, the show had not shown how she dealt with it. I imagined it would hit her hard but they seemed to focus on something else so here it is)
Relationships: Fox Mulder/Dana Scully
Kudos: 21





	The Last Straw

How many hits can a person take before he breaks?

Scully has taken far too many beatings for one lifetime and she continues to take more as long as she remains breathing. First, her abduction. She lost months of her life and discovered she’s been subjected to tests she did not approve of. Then, she lost her sister. She got cancer. She went into remission. She got kidnapped more times than she could remember. She almost died a dozen of times. Then, Mulder got abducted just before she found out she’s pregnant. It’s like she’s been given what she wanted only to be robbed of another. 

Many seemed to think that will be the one that will break her, Mulder disappearing, but she proved them wrong. She pushed through and had William. Even after Mulder went underground, she pushed through raising William by herself. Balancing teaching and motherhood while protecting her son from threats to his life. No. That’s not the last straw.

The last straw came when she made the decision to give her son for adoption. It was the hardest decision she ever made in her entire life. She did not want to do it but it’s the sacrifice she has to make in order to protect him, to give him a normal and peaceful life he deserves. 

She could’ve gotten through it if Mulder was around. He would have been her anchor but he’s not there. No one can even tell her about his well-being if he’s missing or he’s dead. Almost everyone at the FBI seems to think that he’s gone, even Skinner. That’s her last straw, her end line.

Scully put up a tough face, came into work, functioned as if nothing happened but the smile on her face is no longer there. She has become a shell of the person she used to be, like a machine on autopilot. She’s operating unconsciously. The only consolation in all of her sufferings is the thought of her son safe from harm. It makes everything worth it.

“So, what do you think, Dana?” Doggett asked.

He had stopped calling her Scully when he realized that only Mulder calls her that. She does not mind. She noticed his worried glances. He’s trying to get her back in the game, give her something to live for, a purpose, and she appreciates it. She’s just tired.

“No problem. I can examine the body”, she answered.

Her words were all in monotone. His eyes never leave her. He is studying her like a case. It made her uncomfortable.

“What?” she asked, still in cold voice.

“How are you doing, Dana?” he asked her back.

“I’m fine, Agent Doggett”, she lied.

Mulder knows that it’s always a lie whenever she said those words but Doggett is no Mulder. He wouldn’t know…or at least she thought he wouldn’t. She did the autopsy, submit the findings and went home.

\-----------------------------------------

That night, she came back to her empty apartment without bothering to turn on the lights. It wouldn’t make a difference to her anyway. She’s still alone with or without the lights. She threw her coat on her couch before going to the kitchen to get herself a nice bottle of wine. She then went to her bedroom, removed her shoes, took a few gulps of the wine straight from the bottle while she’s looking at her son’s picture on her bed and then downed an entire bottle of pills chased after by the wine before letting it do the work.

\-----------------------------------------

Doggett felt off about his last conversation with Dana. She told him that she’s just fine but he knows better. He knows she’s lying. He had seen her lie before and she got the same look on her face earlier. He did not push because he’s afraid that she would stop talking to him if he kept on pressing her like a witness. Reading her report about the murder victim he asked her help for, his mind kept straying from the case and back to Dana. Something does not feel right and he does not like what he’s actually feeling.

He packed up fast from his office and went to her apartment just to check on her. It is late and she will surely be annoyed with him for dropping by but at least he can be relieved when he sees her. He tried calling her at first but she’s not answering. It’s no surprise because she stopped answering calls about few days ago and he had respected that. You don’t just sacrifice being with your son for his safety and be okay with it. She kept telling people that she’s fine but no mother will be fine after that. He knows that Dana’s mother had stopped talking to her after they had a fight about William’s adoption or rather after Mrs. Scully yelled at her daughter for giving up her son. If Mrs. Scully felt that way, what about Dana? She is William’s mother and she made that decision for his sake. 

Doggett knocked on the door quietly at first so he wouldn’t wake the neighbors but there’s no response. He would have kicked down the door if he had not thought about just picking the lock. Once it’s open, he felt the wall for the switch. He had never seen her place so dark before but then again, she’s in a dark place in her life right now. Without Mulder, without her son…it’s a real dark, dark place.

“Dana?” he called but no one answered.

He saw her coat by the couch which made him frowned. Dana is somewhat of a neat freak. Whenever he came over, she always insisted on taking his coat and hanging it up until he decided to do it himself to save her the trouble. She wouldn’t want to just throw it around her house.

“Dana? It’s me, John!” he called again and still no response.

He does not like the idea of him barging in her bedroom. It felt wrong and a total invasion of her privacy but his heart is pounding hard in his chest. 

“I’m coming in your bedroom, Dana!” he announced in advance so he wouldn’t startle her.

The room is dark like the rest of her apartment so he searched for the light switch. When he turned it on, she was there lying on her stomach on her bed. He recognized her clothes from earlier which is a red flag. Her left arm is dangling from the bed. Not far from her left hand is an empty bottle of wine on the floor.

“Dana”, he called but she’s not moving…nothing.

He walked over to her and gave her a little shake but he got no response at all. That’s when his eyes caught a glimpse of an empty bottle of medication on her nightstand. His brain worked so fast, his hand moved unconsciously and took out his phone and dialed 911.

\-----------------------------------------

At the hospital, he couldn’t shake the image of Dana, as pale of a sheet of paper, on her bed, hanging on to life by a thread. She had given up. He should have seen it coming. No. He knows it was coming. He’s just afraid to admit it but it’s what scares him most. She’s exhausted from all the fighting, the conspiracy, the alien crap. She lost too much and she finally hit rock bottom where there’s nothing else to lose anymore. He had tried to keep her engage with the work. Even though there were tons of other pathologists and doctors he can consult with his cases, he always goes to her so she would be in the loop, working her brain cells, keeping her occupied. That was not enough.

“What happened?” Skinner asked when he arrived at the hospital.

“I found her in her apartment. She was not responding so I went to her room and she’s not waking up”, he answered.

“Pills?” Skinner asked again.

Doggett nodded, “…and a fine bottle of wine”, he answered.

Skinner closed his eyes and sighed deeply. The man has been there for her and Mulder for years. He had put himself on the line more times than anyone can count. After Mulder was abducted, he took it upon himself to watch over her, make sure she will be safe, that she will carry her child to term safely. He was able to do just that. With Mulder gone again, he was there yes, but not as often as he would like. Dana was out of Hoover Building. She’s in Quantico and she never set her foot back at his office again. She stopped answering calls or returning them. She cut off herself from everyone and Skinner relied on Doggett giving him updates about Scully.

“Have you called her mother yet?” he asked Doggett once more.

“No, sir. After what happened, I am not sure if Mrs. Scully wants to even answer my call”, he answered.

Skinner recalled that day when Scully told her mother about the adoption. Mrs. Scully was furious. She yelled at her daughter about not using her head and how bad of a mother she is for giving up on her son like that. She accused her of just wanting to get rid of the responsibility of raising a child so she can continue chasing monsters with Mulder. It was all hard to swallow but Scully stood there and took all the blows. She did not try to explain herself, why she did it. She was silent the whole time while her mother expressed her frustrations. Once Maggie left, Scully brushed it off, went to the kitchen to get a glass of wine before leaving to get to work like nothing happened.

“Mrs. Scully, it’s A.D. Skinner from the FBI”, he said on the phone.

“Why are you calling?” she asked on the other line.

“It’s Dana, Mrs. Scully. She’s at the hospital”, he answered.

How do you tell a mother that her daughter tried to kill herself?

“What happened?” she asked again.

“She…uhm…she tried to kill herself, Mrs. Scully. Agent Doggett found her in her apartment after she took a bottle of pills and a bottle of wine”, he answered.

There is a pause and a series of short breaths.

“I’ll be there shortly”, she simply said and hung up.

\----------------------------------------

Maggie arrived at the hospital with her eyes red and swollen from crying. She greeted Doggett, Reyes, and Skinner at the hallway before asking to see her daughter.  
Scully looked so peaceful on her hospital bed. How many times she’s been in this position? How many times Maggie has to be there and look at her daughter fighting for her life? She lost count. The last time she talked to her, it was not pretty at all. She lost control of herself and said things she only wished that she could take back. It was a surprise when her daughter told her that she gave her grandson for adoption, a closed one. She knows the danger her daughter was in, as well as her grandson. She witnessed it firsthand when a man broken in and attacked her and her daughter while attempting to kill William. Scully had to shoot him three times with the gun she handed to her.

Maggie was not able to ask her daughter why she did it. Instead, she immediately accused her of just wanting to be free of the obligation, the burden of responsibility without knowing her side. Scully did not offer it either. She just kept her mouth shut and waited for her to stop and leave. She did not call, and her daughter did not do the same either. They’ve been estranged from each other for weeks. She was angry at her daughter’s decision and put her feelings first. The thought of how hard it must be for Dana only crossed her mind when it was already too late. She sometimes forgot how her daughter tends to bottle everything up. She did that right to her face when she’s yelling at her. Scully did not give her the satisfaction of crying or any emotions at all. She was stoic and that went past by her.

Now, her daughter is lying on a hospital bed after an attempt to end her own life. She’s never the suicidal type and everyone can attest to that. Despite all the things that had happened in her life, she always pushed through and fought hard to live. Regret sets in Maggie. She shouldn’t have pushed her away. There’s no one else left for her daughter. Mulder is living underground or at least she hopes so because that’s undetermined after that failed operation to get him back. William is living somewhere they will never know and she yelled at her daughter and blamed her for everything. In a flash, Dana lost everything when she could have been stronger and have been there for her.

“Dana…Mom’s here. I am here. Please, don’t go yet. We have so much to talk about. I got so much to tell you. I need to tell you that I did not mean all those things I said to you. I don’t think you’re a bad mother. I know you wouldn’t have done what you did if there’s no reason. You’ve always been so strong, Dana. You’re way stronger than I am because I don’t think I can make the same choice you did to protect your son. Don’t give up just yet, Dana. I believe Fox is still out there and he will come back for you so you have to hang on in there and wait for him. I will just be here waiting for you to wake up, honey. I love you so very much”, she said and put a kiss on her daughter’s cheek.

\------------------------------------

At the hallway, Doggett kept fidgeting his fingers on his lap. They still wait for an explanation why Dana is still not waking up. The doctors said they were waiting for the results of her brain scans but it’s taking them so long. 

“John, calm down. Dana will get through this”, Monica said.

“What if she doesn’t want to get through this? I mean, it’s why she’s here. She doesn’t want to live anymore”, he asked.

He is aware that he sounds incredibly desperate and that is because he is. He wants her to live and he wants her to want to live, not because everyone wants her to. 

When they first met, she was full of fire. She terrified him because she’s burning bright and he was scared to be caught on her flames. He did not understand her drive to find her partner but when he saw her sleeping in Mulder’s apartment while clutching his shirt, he got a sense of the extent of their relationship. Despite all the obstacles, she always came out on top. When he discovered that she was pregnant and carrying Mulder’s child, he finally understood where she’s getting her strength. It made him admire her more. All those times they were chasing monsters, she’s carrying someone else’s life in her womb and still managed to carry on. That’s the Dana he remembered. That’s the Dana he swore to protect.

The same fire she used to have had slowly extinguished as more blows came her way. He first saw it when Mulder ran off and she’s left with William alone in their apartment. She looked utterly defeated but not enough to send her downing a bottle of pills. She still got something to live for despite the fact that she may never see Mulder again due to the threat in his life. She got William and her son needed her. That kept her going until the threat was turned to him. Losing the last reason to live is what killed off the fire in her. She became cold and numbed.

It's in that moment Doggett figured out what to do to get her back, to get that fire back. She needs a reason to live. 

“You stay here and let me know if anything changes”, he said to Monica.

“Where are you going, Agent Doggett?” Skinner asked.

“…to get Dana something to live for”, he answered and ran away.

\------------------------------------------

It’s a clandestine meeting with a buddy of his from way, way back. His sole expertise is finding people and the reason they did not come for his services before is that he is now wanted by the government. 

“Long time no see, Carl”, Doggett greeted.

“Damn right…what do I owe the pleasure?” Carl asked.

Doggett handed him files of Mulder which includes the details of his second disappearance.

“You haven’t showed your face to me in years and you came back with a pain in the ass request? It’s so you, John. I’m glad you haven’t changed. Come with me”, Carl said.

Monica made sure to keep him updated on Dana’s health status. According to the doctor, the lack of oxygen in her brain is what sent her to coma. Doggett and Carl got to work faster. No matter the amount of effort of the doctors, if Dana does not want to live anymore, they will lose the fight. They need to find Mulder fast.

“I got it. I got a trajectory”, Carl said.

“What is it?” Doggett asked.

“You said this guy may had jumped from the train, right?” Doggett nodded, “Well, if you followed on this route…you can hitch a ride here going to Arizona. It would be a perfect hiding spot for anyone who got a killer on their back. Plus, you’ve been here before”, Carl answered.

Doggett took a closer look at the map and something get his memory worked up. 

“Yeah, I’ve been there once. We were looking for Mulder when we were there. No. We were looking for someone else”,

Realizing what’s going on, Doggett put a kiss on his friend’s head. 

“You are a genius, Carl! Thank you!” he exclaimed and left.

\-------------------------------------------

It’s a long trip to Arizona but if it is what it takes to get Dana back, he’s going to do it. Mulder is the only one who can bring her back to the surface. He will be her last reason to live and he needs to find him. To hell with the super soldiers. Mulder agreed to live underground to protect Dana and their son but they have been in danger anyway and now Dana is dying. He needs to come back to save her.

He is not sure of the exact location but he knows that Gibson Praise hides somewhere in the desert of Arizona. It’s where Dana found him before and where he found her wandering alone in the dark in search for Mulder the first time. 

The kid can read minds…

Despite all the rational reasons not to believe in that, it’s his best bet in finding Gibson Praise and hopefully, Mulder with him. He tried his best to compose his thoughts starting with what happened after Mulder went into hiding. He hoped that his thoughts are loud enough for the kid to hear.

\------------------------------------------

“Someone’s here”, Gibson said to Mulder.

They’ve been living together underground, literally, since Mulder jumped off the train. When it did not stop to its supposed stop, he knew something was wrong. He knew then that he couldn’t go back to Scully because danger will follow him so he ran and ran until Gibson found him.

“Who?” Mulder asked.

“John Doggett”, Mulder frowned, “He was looking for you. He was desperate to find you”, Gibson answered.

Why would he try? He and Scully had an agreement. She will stop them from trying to find him.

“What does he want?” he asked again.

Gibson tried harder and almost gasped.

“It’s Agent Scully”, he muttered.

That got Mulder’s attention.

“Why? What happened?” he asked once more.

“She’s in the hospital. He was the one who found her in her home after she took all those pills. She’s dying and he’s hoping that you can bring her back”, Gibson answered.

Scully and dying in the same sentence got a bad sound in his ears. It cannot be. She wouldn’t do that. Scully is not suicidal. Why would she do that? Why would she leave William alone?

“William is not with her anymore”, Gibson explained while reading his mind.

What the hell happened while he’s gone? All the questions filled his head like a flood. In all of those questions, one thing mattered most. Scully is dying. He needs to do something.

“I need to go, kid”, he said.

“I know. I know before you even said it”, Gibson answered.

Mulder smiled at him.

“Sometimes I forgot you’re a mind reader”, the kid smiled. “Will you be alright here?” he asked.

“Don’t worry about me. I am not alone. She needs you more…more than most, actually”, he answered.

\----------------------------------------------

Doggett stood helplessly in the middle of the desert. It’s a long shot but he’s willing to go through lengths. He cannot just watch Dana die like that. 

“Agent Doggett!” Mulder yelled and that sparked hope in his head.

He smiled at the sight of him and for the first time, he’s really happy to see the man.

“You need to come with me, please”, he pleaded.

Mulder was touched by the man’s dedication to Scully. He knows it’s not anything romantic. He had been jealous before that Doggett was trying to replace him but after being around him for some time, he knows that he cares about Scully as a big brother.

“I know. The kid told me. Where’s your car?” Mulder asked.

\----------------------------------------------

Back at the hospital, Skinner is utterly confused. He just wants for things to go back to the way they were. Even though it was more stressful back then with the Smoking Man lurking around and the constant disobedience of Mulder and Scully, he would prefer that than seeing his friend lying on a hospital bed in a coma. Mrs. Scully hadn’t left her daughter’s side since she got there. He and Monica took turns on bringing her food and water inside. They got no clue where Doggett has gone but he hopes that when he comes back, he’ll have something to help Scully.

Surely, his prayers had been answered but not in the way he expects. Mulder is walking in a public hospital with Agent Doggett like there’s no threat in his life. His eyes widened in surprise as well as Monica.

“Mulder, what the hell are you doing here?” Skinner asked while looking around them, trying to find anyone suspicious.

“I need to see her”, Mulder simply said.

Skinner met Doggett’s eyes and it made sense to him what he said before he left. He said he was going to get Scully something to live for and that’s Mulder.

“In there…her mother is also there”, Skinner agreed and let Mulder passed.

\---------------------------------------------

Maggie’s eyes widened as well when she saw him comes in. Mulder expected an angry Maggie but she welcomed him with a nice embrace.

“I knew you’re coming back for her”, she whispered.

“How is she doing?” he asked.

“…not well. She’s not waking up. The doctor said it was the lack of oxygen to her brain. In my opinion, I think it was her. She doesn’t want to wake up, not after everything”, she answered.

His mind went back to the conversation he had with Doggett in the car on the way back to the hospital. 

‘What happened to my son?’

‘There had been attempts to kill William while you were gone. He had been kidnapped once too by a cult but Dana was able to find him. After the multiple attempt on his life and your half brother showing up to warn her, Dana made the decision to give him up for a closed adoption…’

‘What?’

‘It was the only way she could think of where your son will be safe. She couldn’t give him to her mother because even Mrs. Scully got hurt one time a man broke in and tried to suffocate him with a pillow. She made sure it would a closed one so no one would know where William will be. I honestly did not know how she got through it but it was the hardest sacrifice anyone can make…’

‘I should’ve been there…’

‘You should have but we don’t know what that will bring. I mean, you got super soldiers coming for your ass. Thing is, we couldn’t bring the past back. You just need to be there for her right now…’

Looking at Scully now, he saw the weariness it brought her when she made that sacrifice. He knows her. He knows her to be a fighter and she wouldn’t just do that if she’s giving up on their son. That decision was made because she was fighting. She’s determined to keep their son alive and safe and if that means her losing him and let someone else raise him, she was willing to go for it because she loves him. It breaks Mulder’s heart to learn that she had to go through the pain without him. He could have been there if only he chose to come back after he jumped on that train. It may have brought more trouble like Doggett said but at least he would have been there with her. She wouldn’t have had fallen down the rabbit hole and tried to free herself by ending her life.

Before he even knows it, Maggie was already wiping his tears away.

“You’re here now. We all could have made different choices back then and it may have made a difference but it’s all been done. What you can do about is now, Fox. You’re here. Please, try and bring her back to us”, she said.

“What if I can’t? What if I am not enough?” he asked. 

They lost their son. William was their miracle. Scully can never have one again. He can’t replace William.

“Oh, Fox…you’ve always been more than enough for my daughter”, she answered and let him have some privacy with Scully.

He took the seat where Maggie occupied. Scully looked so pale, so thin. She stopped taking care of herself and it manifested on her body. How come no one saw this coming? Then, he remembered how well Scully can hide behind her cold, science-induced, armor. If she wants people to see her as normal and ‘fine’, she can make them to…except for him. He took her hand he almost flinched at her coldness.

“Hey, Scully…I know you can hear me. You told me before when we were in this situation. You said you could hear me talking to you. Well, I am here. I just wished I could have gotten here sooner and be with you”, he sniffs back his tears that’s threatening to fall, “You don’t get to do this, Scully…you know that, not like this”, the water dam just broke, “You don’t get to decide to end your life like this without thinking about me. We…we still got so much to do, so much to talk about, so many movies to watch”,

He wiped the tears free falling from his eyes.

“You pleaded for me to go and hide to keep me safe and yet you do this to yourself…this is not fair, Scully. It’s not fair at all. You don’t get to do this to me because I can’t live without you. The only thing that’s keeping me going while I was away is the thought that you and our son are safe and by me being far from you is keeping you safe so don’t throw all of that away by ending this. I love you, Scully. If you die, I will die too. Don’t leave me yet. You’re all I got…please”, he pleaded.

He had cried like this at her bedside years ago when she’s dying from cancer. He came into her room while she’s sleeping and cried because there’s nothing else for him to do to save her. This is a different circumstance. There is no illness or attack. It was her. She did this to herself to escape, to be free.

“Mulder…” 

He looked at her so fast he could have had whiplash. She’s slowly opening her eyes and clearing her dry throat.

“Wait, I’ll get you water. Hold on”, he said and grabbed the glass of water on the side and a straw to help her drink.

“You can’t be here”, her voice is still hoarse, and her energy is drained, “They will find you”, she added.

“Don’t worry about that now. What’s important is you get better and we get out of here”, he said.

She looked at him and for the first time in a quite some time, she can feel things again. She is no longer numb. She feels happy to see him again. She feels the love she has for him and the love he has for her. 

“Mulder…William…” tears escaped her eyes at their son’s name.

“I know. Doggett told me and I understand. I understand why you have to do it. It was the best choice to keep him safe given the situation and I am sorry you have to go through that alone”, he finished for her.

She started sobbing.

“I was so scared you wouldn’t forgive me”, she confessed.

As much as she wanted to find him, she was scared to see him again because of what she did. 

“There is nothing to forgive, Scully…well, except for this. Why?” he asked.

She looked embarrassed now.

“I don’t know, Mulder. I was just tired and I want to rest and I can’t do it anywhere. All I keep thinking about is William and you. Both of you I might never see again. I want it all to stop…the nothingness. It seemed like a good idea at the time”, she answered.

He understood that feeling. He had felt that before and he almost surrendered to it if it wasn’t for Scully. She pulled him out of the dark water. The thing is, he wasn’t there when she needed him to pull her out of the same dark water.

“Don’t do this again. This is never the answer, Scully. I am here and I am not going anywhere again. Damn those super soldiers, I am staying. As for William, just because it’s closed adoption does not mean we will never see him again. I believe that someday, the universe will use its magic to have our paths cross again. He is our son. We will see him again and by then, you will see that your sacrifice had been worth it. He would have lived a normal and peaceful life. He was able to go to school and have friends. He would have been able to be free from those who wish to harm him and that’s because of you. You made that happen. If you do this again, you will never be able to see that day come, Scully”, he said.

He needed each of his words to stick to her. He cannot allow her to go down this path again in the future. 

“Are you sure that day will ever come?” she asked.

“I want to believe yes…no, erase that. I believe”, he answered.

She smiled for the first time since she lost everything.

“Then…I want to believe too”, it made him smile as well, “I love you too, Mulder”, she replied.

~~FIN~~


End file.
